wchunksofme I'm Katie. I'm 23. I'm serving a ten-month term in Americorps NCCC, traveling around the Southeastern United States. My mom thinks I'm the luckiest girl in the world. wArchives: -- HOME -- powered by SignMyGuestbook.com

wWednesday, May 26, 2004 Chunk of Writer's Blockhead I sometimes long to be a writer; but as Sars over at Tomato Nation is always saying, the only reason to be a writer is because you have to write, because it's in you. I fear my need to write is masochistic. I would be turning to writing in desperation, knowing I am not good at it, knowing I have no "voice," poor grammar, and little sense of plotting or pacing; knowing I have little to no shot, along with everyone else in the writer's market, and knowing that I know all this. It's strange, to not write, though. I used to write reams of poetry. Then, I had online journals. But the ease of typing has made me lazy, or something. I write only sporadic, tiny, humorless journal entries now. No poetry. It feels almost as barren as the times when I have not been reading. I have no idea "what I want to be" -- but every time I come even close to making a decision, I feel with a sudden cold lump of certainty that it is all wrong, wrong, dust and ashes. Hmph. posted by Katie at 6:07 PM wMonday, May 26, 2003 New Blog Head on over to No Cure for Commas for the latest dish. Though I can't promise I won't post here too. I loves me the internet fame and fortune... posted by Katie at 6:49 PM wThursday, May 22, 2003 things that are new, or new-to-me Ted Nugent is a raging asshole bigot. Good guitar player, though. ZZ Top rocks my ass off. Ted Nugent fans are rilly, rilly scary. I just spent 89 bucks on new clothes for work, because having been a college student for 4 years I had a surfeit of jeans & NO acceptable workpants. I had one pair -- and they swish when I walk to such an extent that I only wear them to formal functions where there is sure to be a lot of sitting. I am graduated, and living back at home, and waiting for my job to start. The dial-up connection at home is really frugged up and annoying, so I will almost never be checking my email, I think. Ummm... the other things are all really messed up, so count yourselves luck-ay that I only let you in on the few, the proud, the bearable. posted by Katie at 7:54 PM wFriday, May 16, 2003 mm mm glagh... My room or something near it smells faintly of Campbell's tomato soup. How about that. posted by Katie at 7:03 PM w erinds I have lots of errands to run. I have a partay to attend, which I should get all dressed up for. Alex is coming back here at 11. Life sometimes seems like a laundry list. Worse, a grocery list. Today I want to run away. Today, I want to find a beach with sun somewhere. I want to walk in sand and dip my toes in ocean and cry some, and dance some, and lie faceup in the sun. The fortuneteller at the GoodTimes arcade says: "You have a very sympathetic nature. You devote a great many hours to the welfare of others. You have a very fine mind, and if you cultivate it properly you will be very successful. You are very fond of sports and love to dance. You have a graceful walk, and a determined step. You always walk, as tho' you know exactly where you're going. People respect you for your determination. You will endure some hardship in the near future, but eventually everything will turn out for the best, and unending happiness will be yours." Promises of unending happiness, and all those compliments, for only 25 cents. Not a bad investment. Oh, and my lucky color is white. I wonder if I call "Bay-Tek, Inc.," which I could do, since their number is on the back of this card, I wonder if I called them, and expressed dissatisfaction with the vagueness on this card and asked them if I could ask them One Important Question how long would it take for them to hang up on me, do you think? posted by Katie at 2:45 PM w i guess this is growing up Sometimes it all gets too much for me. Treating other people well shouldn't be this hard; usually it comes easily -- but sometimes it doesn't. Some days I want to rant and rave. I want to yell mean things out of car windows. I want to sulk. And pout. I want to stick my tongue out and raise my middle finger. I want to tromp all over sandcastles and knock down lego houses. It's not just grumpy ... it's actively destructive. Days like that, I worry that I shouldn't be around other people. That I am not grownup enough to be dating anyone. That I am a horrible friend. I think I should run away to Austin, or Hawaii, or California, all by myself. Find a job. Get an apartment. By myself. It's just another swing on the swingset though, because soon I will be back to my cuddly old self. Wanting to be around people, loving to be around people. Right now though, I am kind of aching for a pack on my back and some hitch-hiking shoes or. A road trip to Orlando to hang out with Mickey all day and convince him to take his head off and grab coffee with me. I bet a Disneyworld Mickey has a lot of good stories. posted by Katie at 2:38 PM wWednesday, May 14, 2003 happiness peeks I am a little ashamed of how much and how little it takes to make me happy sometimes. Like some minigolf in a rundown place RIGHT off the highway.... (little) With a wonderful friend recovered after years of silence..... (much) And tickets to a ZZ Top/Ted Nugent/Kenny Wayne Shepherd concert (little money) (much: sound systems, drive, etc.) the CD player in my car nicknames friends who love you even when they don't like you friends who invite me to laser tag a boyfriend who will watch Crossroads and drink wine coolers with me. a chance at a job that has something to do with something i want to do Saltines. friends who let me borrow their iron. bear hugs I have so much in my life to be grateful for... I should never be unhappy. How can everything get so twisted and turned on its head? Why do I worry so much? But wait, now I'm worrying about being worried -- so -- I wish I could truly believe that happiness wants to bust on into my life and the only thing keeping it out is me. posted by Katie at 12:33 AM wTuesday, May 13, 2003 i wonder I wonder if weddings on TV and in movies will always make me cry as much as they do right now. posted by Katie at 12:29 AM w good will In other news, I've been watching WAY too much TV and WAY too many movies lately. Three yesterday -- Super Troopers, Can't Hardly Wait, and The Sixth Sense. I really liked all of them -- had only seen CHW before. Krystal didn't really love the CHW -- which I can't blame her for, since most people don't. I don't know what it is, but I really love party movies. *shrug* Go figure, since I don't really like parties. I loved all the movies, and also Good Will Hunting, which we re-watched this evening over some KFC. It's nice to not be too too stressed out anymore, to sit in front of the TV and let my brain go *fizzle* for a few hours. Part of me thinks I should be going crazy, running around trying to see everyone possible before we leave. But I guess I'm learning a little from previous experience -- you can't manufacture memories, you can't make people love you. It's enough to just take what you've got away without beating every last second of Meaningfulness out of it. Tomorrow I'm buying Steely Dan tickets and going minigolfing. What more could you ask for? posted by Katie at 12:18 AM w i got friends in high places... Turns out that a little stretched nepotism really helps. I know a guy who knows a guy, and suddenly someone who hasn't returned my calls for weeks... calls. About an hour after This Guy I Know could have made a call. Now that, my friends, is results. So now I have a job interview on Wednesday. I really hope it works out... it's kind of a commute, but it's exactly the work I want to be doing. I wonder, should I buy a new shirt or a suit-thing or something for this? I've been spending a lot of money lately -- graduating is freaking expensive! So I don't know. posted by Katie at 12:13 AM